Comedy Night/day/watever time it is for you

Old Ms.Robinson went out into her backyard to do some gardening when she heard some noise coming from the yard next door. She peered over the fence and saw that her neighbor's little daughter was digging a hole. "Sally what are you doing with that shovel?" asked Ms.Robinson. "My goldfish died, so I'm burying him." replied young Sally. "Oh that's tragic. I'm very sorry for your loss. But why are you digging such a big hole for your goldfish?".

"Because your ******* cat ate it!"

post jokes from ur fav sights or anything that u find funny....
is it time to laugh yet?

The two presidential canidates go into a bar with a dog the people in the bar talk about it point and whisper. One guy goes to the rear of the dog and lifts the dogs tail. The bar tendar says what are you doing. The man says someone told me a dog came in with two aases.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

I am losing my mind, or if you listen to my wife (which I don't) I never had it

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he has had. he started counting then fell asleep.lol

Barman says to Paddy "Your glass is empty, fancy another one?" lookin' puzzled Paddy says "Why the heck would l want two empty glasses?"

Is it me or are threads dissappearing

Just bought a 'low energy light bulb' at B & Q. Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?" I said No - Its going in the lounge

have you ever seen a a$$ hole wrapped in plastic????........................... have a look at your passport

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful bleeders. All I said was,"Hurry up for Christ's sake, some of us have got homes to go to"

I fecking love eBay, I sold my homing pigeon eight times last month!

how do you make picture smaller when you post?

http://upyachka.ru/images/11/cropped...806215704.jpeg

idk...the worst part about the server being shut down today is that I can't sing my favorite song in global.....I mean, I got decisions I have to make....

http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/k...ent-friday.gif

stop kidding yourself you can't sing

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Originally Posted by Haak

idk...the worst part about the server being shut down today is that I can't sing my favorite song in global.....I mean, I got decisions I have to make....

http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/k...ent-friday.gif

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for some reason that is a very fine line you have taken imo

i don't get it

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Originally Posted by LadyyLushyy

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful bleeders. All I said was,"Hurry up for Christ's sake, some of us have got homes to go to"

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LMAOOOOO!!! That's awful AND awfully funny at the same time.

Lawyers Are The Best Patients





Two new surgeons at the hospital were discussing the qualities of their favorite patients. "I like contractors myself" says one. "They don't even flinch when I tell them I underestimated the cost and length of surgery."

"Well, I had an electrician yesterday" another says. "It was beautiful everything inside well marked and color coded!'

An older surgeon passing by heard them, and cut in. "You fellas ain't seen nothing yet" he tells them "By far the best patients are lawyers- they have no heart, no spine, little guts, and the head and butt are fully interchangeable!"

oh and here is a funny one for you as well:

The Purina Weight Loss Diet





Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Roscoe, our hunting dog, and was standing in line at Wal-Mart getting ready to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was "where's your sign lady" but decided to go with it...SO...On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Weight Loss Diet again.

I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is; you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least.

Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's *** and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

She got upset. Made a complaint. WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore. It was worth it.

Just wrong dude Just wrong funny as hell but still wrong

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.

The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LadyyLushyy

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.

The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."

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I'm going to try that right now

An English, Irish and Scottish man were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.

The English guy said, “I’m the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace.”


“Wow that is careless.” Said the Scottish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I’ve fractured my shoulder.”

“That is careless.” Said the Irish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamp post and broke both of my legs.”

“That is careless.” Said the English man, “But what happened to your car?”
“What car?” Replied the Irish man, “I was walking.”

And then the bear wiped his *** with the rabbit
Eddie Murphy