A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.
The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"
The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."
I'm going to try that right nowOriginally Posted by LadyyLushyy
An English, Irish and Scottish man were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.
The English guy said, “I’m the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace.”
“Wow that is careless.” Said the Scottish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I’ve fractured my shoulder.”
“That is careless.” Said the Irish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamp post and broke both of my legs.”
“That is careless.” Said the English man, “But what happened to your car?”
“What car?” Replied the Irish man, “I was walking.”
And then the bear wiped his *** with the rabbit
Eddie Murphy
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